Never had I dreamed that OBS would be so amazing. I was literally in despair when the groupings were released and I was seriously planning to call in sick on that day and skip the entire camp. If I did, I would probably miss out on one of the best things that happened in my life.
Quoting from Shi Minn, yes, a miracle did happen. We had the most amazing instructor called Shaik who just bonded our group together by leaps and bounds and I'm so thankful to him for that. Sure, Shackleton had many imperfections like how everyone there was so individualistic and was so strong-headed it proved to be so difficult to carry out a normal discussion. I remember how Shi Minn was telling me "Our group sucks," and I remember falling into a pithole when she said that. I felt so hopeless then.
It was only the second night, after we kayaked to Camp 1 when the first major crisis happened. 4 people cried, and I ended up crying as well because my heart just ached to see them cry and there was nothing much I could do about it. So we sat there at the dining table with the tempting smell of the good food right before us, but none of us made a move to eat it. The other half of 4I were concerned, they tried asking us what happened but all I could think of during then was just "Go away. You're lucky you're not in this half of this screwed up shit."
I remember telling Kia Hieng and Geraldine that "the whole camp is just screwed up" in front of Shaik. I remember how he gave me the look of surprise when he heard me say that, but I refused to look at him. Or even acknowledge him. I didn't mean to say it right in his face, I forgot that he was even there in the first place. And now, I sincerely apologize to him if I had hurt his feelings.
And then there was the first moment when all of us actually agreed on something. It was the first day of the camp during the belaying practice, all of us were bonded together by one common purpose - to avoid getting Shaik into any trouble again. So we did try our best to be really supportive and attentive, and we were rewarded by this pot of rice that was entirely cooked by Shaik. I remember how we cheered for him at our storeroom when he walked towards us, and how he randomly bowed to people and saying "thank you" like he was receiving an award.
I grew up. A lot. I can honestly say that I was SERIOUSLY SO FREAKING ZAI DURING THE CAMP OMG IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF but anyway. I have to say thank you so freaking much to Kimberly and Shi Minn. I remember how the two of them were so enthu in helping our watchmates while me, still sulking about the grouping, just sat there and thought "why the heck are they helping such selfish people who's just pushing all the dirty work to them?" Peer pressure soon got me to do the same thing as my conscience didn't allow me to just sit there and watch my best friends work their butt out.
To be honest, I wasn't happy at all. Even though most of the time I was just running around and offering people help, inside I was thinking "WTH CAN'T YOU EVEN DO THIS BY YOURSELF?" hypocritical much, but yeah. I tried. And it wasn't until the land expedition when I was dragging Tenzing's poncho on the ground, that I realized how much this amount of help meant. I was angry, really, that they just threw their poncho on our bags when it was so obviously labelled with a TE, but yet nobody claimed when Kim asked around. I mean if you need help then fine, ask us and I'll probably do it, but just throwing it there and expecting people to carry it for you?
All of us were carrying this fat huge ass bag and I was carrying one big and one small jerry can in one hand, and Tenzing's poncho in the other. The poncho ended up falling off and so I dragged it along the ground and wasn't bothered in the least to pull it up. It was satisfying hearing the poncho scrape along the ground though it was a bit annoying, but suddenly the sound just disappeared and the poncho felt much much lighter. I turned around, and saw Nicole helping me hold the other half of that poncho. It may not sound like much, but I swear, in that moment I teared. She just did it so silently without me prompting anything, and I was so freaking touched. So that was how it felt like to be helped, and I found meaning in my actions. Thank you so much.
Quote Noel, "I wasn't happy because people helped me, but because I saw people helping each other." Thank you for enlightening me as well.
I have to thank Hong Mun and Pinkett for singing with me during the land expedition, if not I'll have no idea how I survived the last 3km or so. I felt like dying any moment, but like Cheryl said, this is one of the "mind over body" moments. I literally refused to think any negative thoughts, but during the last lap, I was just so worn out and so exhausted. Then I heard the two of them in the front singing, and I automatically thought back to the Y2 level camp. Its one of the few moments I remember, singing our way back to the campsite. And so I rushed forward and crashed them, and the three of us started singing English, Chinese and of course, Korean songs.
There was the kayaking expedition too. Had really mixed feelings about it. I changed my partner from Kim to Bellerie and we ended up being miraculously good at it. We hardly spoke to each other throughout the expedition, and only talked during the breaks. Or maybe she was really good at it all along and I just crashed between her and Crystal :/ We travelled like really fast in order to prevent me from getting sea sickness, but I really hated the breaks where the wave just controls your motion entirely and my stomach will just start turning like crazy again. Thank you so much Bellerie.
But on the other hand, I felt really guilty to Kim and Nicole who paired up for the expedition. I was so busy enjoying myself with Bellerie that I totally neglected the both of them and how Nicole was pushing herself so much since Kim had serious sea sickness. That's the selfish me showing through.
There's another person I have to apologize to, and that's Xin Yu. She's the person I snapped at the most throughout the entire camp. Too many examples to list but yeah. Thanks for not shouting back at me though. I'll miss sleeping in the same tent as you :')
There are many times during when I was doing the activities like the crazy land expedition that I'll curse OBS, the teachers in the level camp committee for bringing so much hardship to us. But after that, when you look back on the entire process, you realize how fun the whole entire thing was. I really miss it now.
I miss Shaik's rice and apple crumble. I miss pitching and unpitching the tents. I miss saying "Close the gaps, walk faster". I miss deciding whether I should wear contacts or not in the morning. I miss getting annoyed at Xin Yu. I miss sleeping on the hard ground. I miss Kimberly's super loud breathing beside me when I'm asleep. I miss rushing for deadlines. I miss the wheat crackers. I miss shouting to my friends across cubicles when we're bathing. I miss the numerous petty little quarrels we had during group discussions. I miss the gossip sessions we had about all the people. I miss the kayaking. I miss Shaik. I miss Shaikerton.
Is it normal to hang on to these memories so dearly? The memories of myself getting tortured by the sun and trudging along the muddy path when a 20kg bag. Of how I didn't bathe for 2 days and how I had to pee in bushes.
I still remember the promises I made to myself before I made the jetty jump. I won't break them.
OBS is not the best in its field for nothing. Thank you for housing such a great instructor, and for bonding all 13/14 of us together.
And lastly, Shackleton himself for founding our group name. :)
